The point near the Edge
    by
        P

In my life i have seen people come and go, i have tried to do great things and failed, i have dust myself off and tried again with different things. Some things has succeeded and some fail and that's life. But going on with a broken heart and broken dreams is terrible. Waking up everyday feeling no life joy, feeling no happiness, thinking suicidal thoughts and asking yourself if the end would be better then to continue. I tried to change other people, myself, the world but i guess it all ended up to the state i am now in.
I'm not scared of death, i think now when looking deeper in to it its a great mystery, what really happens when we leave our bodies. Ram dass really gets it. Society is just a fear driven circle, i see fear everywhere, the human is flawed in many ways but also perfect in so many other ways. i know this because i have met perfection, i loved her. Going on seems pointless, So maybe the point near the end is near. i never known what would happen.
It's very thrill seeking not knowing about the future and just going places. I went with the most amazing person to Portugal, never been before but wow what a place. i have stopped to take drugs, i don't even consume alcohol anymore. I see no point in it.
It makes you temporary happy then its gone with the wind. I haven't felt so bad in years and the point of low i am at right now is
terrible.

I am in depression, this is terrible. I had a friend ask me if i knew how it felt to wake up sad, live the day sad and then go to bed sad.

I know it. i am living through it now. Stopping to care about social norms and other useless things has opened up a lot for me. I am mostly in my bubble, i do the same things, listen to the same music, eat the same things, work on the same things. Stepping in to the bubble of love was amazing, something i havent felt in years. The feeling of being loved and loving the amazing person back it is one of the greatest things we humans can do i think.
Taking drugs with your friends and stepping in to that bubble is also nice, just talking shit and enjoying each others company that makes life awesome. I don't know a lot of things but i know that the people that made it to be close friends with me and made it in to my heart is what means a lot
to me.

Maybe life is just a highway and the soul is just a car as Meatloaf put it.

Humans are very weird creatures, we get carried away in to big fields in our heads, we love, fight, cry and much much more.
But nothing is never random which in computer science is always hard to figure out how to make something look like something
we don't know what it is.

But we don't always understand things. Stuff is hard, life is hard. We go everywhere seeking happiness. “You can travel the globe for your loved one” - Irena

Going throw bad things we see everything in different ways, which i think is awesome.
Learning, viewing, absorbing more and more it's all perks of humanity.

There is a lot of fear and confusion in this world. But there is also mojito cocktails with loved once, gin and tonics with loved once, communicating with loved once, meeting new people, learning new things, receiving happiness, giving happiness.